Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
