thus making me awesome and them whores
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
