I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
