What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
