hotel room ftw
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize