Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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