Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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