i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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