I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
