There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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