i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
