I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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