Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
