I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize