Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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