i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
