There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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