During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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