So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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