Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
