I'm so fucking centered right now
okay pat passed out under dana's car
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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