i just had sex bonerless
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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