there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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