my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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