Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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