I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize