haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
