I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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