My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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