ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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