I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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