Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
