you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
