U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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