whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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