i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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