just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
