His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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