My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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