yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
