I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
