an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
