So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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