my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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