You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
