New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to calm my uterus...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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