My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
