Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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