Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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