he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i drank out of a bidet.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
