Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
