Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
