I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
