K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
