so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
