just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
