I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
