Michael Bay diarrhea
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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