awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize