Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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