belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
