Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
