Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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