He told me they were just razor bumps!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
