She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
