This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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