Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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