friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
