I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
