I puked a lego.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
