You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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