He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
