Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There are leaves in my underwear?
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