Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
