If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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