why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
