Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
