I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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