I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
