No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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