Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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