i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
