Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
