I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
