and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
now i know why i became what i already was.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
