I wish I could teleport
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize