It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
