Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
