singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
