and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
