I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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