Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
