the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize