My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
