I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
