dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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