is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
