everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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