he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
