seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
