The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
