8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
