Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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