Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
