Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
