He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
