The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
