Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The best revenge is premature balding
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
