Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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