Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
