What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
