Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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