Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
one two three fourrrrnication!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize