If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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