my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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