I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just forgot I was standing up.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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