she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
