I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
